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So here it is guys... this is the beginning of my main ORIGINAL stuff. While Teirm is 
and I, this is all me. I finally got it where I like it. THis is also the short story I'm wanting to send into a magazine and try to get published in it. I hope you all enjoy it, I truly do. Anyways final wordcount was 1,726.
and I, this is all me. I finally got it where I like it. THis is also the short story I'm wanting to send into a magazine and try to get published in it. I hope you all enjoy it, I truly do. Anyways final wordcount was 1,726.Mature
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Interesting start, for sure. Think you should read it over a bit before submitting, there's a few places that could use a comma and some pacif issues. I also think if you break up the long exposition at the beginning it'll flow better. Other than that it's pretty good, and good luck getting it published~